March 3, 2011
Dear Pacho,
You have been my monthly partner since I was thirteen, but I don’t understand why you arrived at that time; It is supposed that your arrival means women become sexually mature, but I wasn’t a woman, I was a girl and I didn't have any possibility of having sex. So what was your purpose in that period of my life... Let me guess… to spot my clothes, and my chair, to ruin my going out to the pool, to welcome my acne and my nasty hair in my private parts, to make me feel like a baby who had to use diapers, to sleep just in one way in order to avoid spotting my bed, to convince my self-esteem about the growth of my lemons, to make me a topic of conversation in familiar reunions where people ask my mom if I had already "been sick"? What was your fucking purpose? -Whoops, sorry for my expression-…You see Mrs. Rule, (Mr. Period, Mrs. Rule, Pacho, The Visit, are you hermaphrodite? it is not the point, but define your gender please) ok you, Menstruation, you have been a real problem, and not only for me, but also for other girls who are mother by error; if you visit girls later, between twenty and thirty years more or less, you can prevent teenager unwanted pregnancies, can’t you?
Now I’m 22 years old, but I can’t stand you, every 28th, when you and your friends “menstrual cramps” come, I cry because of everything: because I’m fat, because I’m thin, because my boyfriend didn’t call me, because he did, but I feel his voice had a different tone, because I’m zonked, because I'm bored of doing nothing; in brief, I cry just for the fuck of it.Whatever the main problem is with you, what I really hate is that you are very inopportune…On those days, I feel more sexually active, to make love becomes an addiction, but you are there and it is impossible to do what I want; you are in the wrong place at a wrong moment, you are like Davivienda commercial. So, if you are going to continue being my partner for more than 20 years, don’t come on Fridays, on weekends, on holydays, on Easter week, on vacations and neither on Christmas. Nevertheless, don’t scare me, if I need you to come -and you know what I’m talking about- be punctual, my dear friend.
See you on Monday
Jennifer
I'm really feel identity with your text. I have lived all those sensations too and I know all women around the world have lived it too, but even is a popular topic is not easy to talk about it. I enjoy it so much.
ReplyDeleteHi dude... though I do not feel identified with you, I've hardly felt -in my adult life- the systematic interferences of this guy you call "Pacho".
ReplyDeleteI really like the topic you chose, but I think you wrote this letter just taking into account a colombian audience because there are some jokes that a stranger wouldn't be able to understand. Some examples are: "the growth of my lemons", "(Mr. Period, Mrs. Rule, Pacho, The Visit, are you hermaphrodite?", and "you are like Davivienda commercial".
It would be interesting that an australian, an american, or an english, accidentally finds this text on the web and that he laughes as much as we did.
xoxoxooox o